Three Alternatives to Spanking

Spanking is a form of punishment (i.

e.
, applying a negative consequence following an undesired behavior).
Most adults today grew up being spanked and many feel that this is the "only option that works.

" You may be surprised to find out that spanking DOES work, but only if you apply this negative consequence immediately and consistently.
The level of consistency required for spanking to work at an optimum level is unrealistic in today's society because it is deemed inappropriate to spank your child in "public." There are other reasons to avoid spanking, but the practical aspect being difficult to implement (few parents are consistent!) is motivation enough to consider the alternatives listed below.

First Alternative: Try "Time-Ins" instead of "Time-Outs" Children who have been abandoned or have a strong sense of rejection should never be punished with time-outs because this constitutes additional rejection and promotes a sense of abandonment. "Time-ins" work especially well for children with a history of trauma and children who may have a resulting lack of trust in adults.

A "time-in" is the same as a "time-out" except the child is not removed from the scene and placed in a room or spot to be alone.
Rather, the child is told to come and sit by the adult until s/he is ready to comply.
For example, "I asked you to play nicely with your sister.
Hitting your sister is not playing nicely.
So come and sit by me for a while.

In a few minutes, we'll check and see if you are ready to play with your sister again.

" Second Alternative: Try "Positive Time-Outs" Positive time-outs assume that children want to comply, but something is blocking their ability or motivation to comply. To help the child understand, age or developmental level is used to make a comparison between how the child is behaving and how the child should be behaving.
An example of a positive time-out would be, "You did not complete your chores.

Fourth-grade girls are capable of completing their chores.

You must need some kind of rest so that you can come back and act like a fourth-grader and complete your chores. So go to your room and lie down quietly until you're rested enough and can come back and act like a fourth-grader and complete your chores.

If the child returns and continues with the inappropriate behavior, the response would be, "You are still not acting like a fourth-grader because you haven't completed your chores, so you must need more rest.

Go back to your room until you are rested enough to complete your chores." This continues until the child can come out from his/her room and refrain from behaving inappropriately or comply with the requested behavior.

For younger children, use words like "You are a big girl and big girls don't throw temper tantrums.

You must be very tired.

Go and rest until.
..

." Third Alternative: "Replace the negative behavior with a newly learned positive behavior" This involves setting up an incentive program that rewards positive behavior instead of punishing negative behavior.

While this sounds overly simplified, the child will not have time to display inappropriate behavior if s/he is busy displaying positive behavior.

The child must be motivated with privileges and rewards for displaying positive behaviors, especially when those positive behaviors are initiated by the child.
The child should be consulted regarding which positive behaviors he would like to improve (along with some coaching from parents, teacher, and other adults involved in his life), and what would motivate her/him to increase these positive behaviors.